What Men Avoid

Men avoid shame, but may sense shame whenever our inadequacy or our glory is seen by the eyes we long to be admired by.

Men are passively or actively avoiding the shame of inadequacy (since the curse on masculinity in Genesis 3) and the glory of tender strength (love) required for war against Evil (faith), and required for rescue in a world of chaos and meaninglessness (hope).

The range from passive to active avoidance may be thought of as a continuum of four types of males in search for significance, with a fifth type to circle back the types. (This is commonly taught in various ways in upper level counseling courses.)

(Most Passive)—-Little Boy—-Good Boy—-Distant Boy—-Macho Boy (Most Active)—-(Added fifth to encircle)—-Seductive Boy (the sexual variant).*

All types seek to diminish their shame and to deaden their longings (glory) in order to keep “safe” and in control by some form of contempt – either directed towards others or themselves.

Men, who are passively or actively avoiding shame, must be called out of hiding by the strong voice of kindness and invited into the Gospel-transformation process that empowers men to walk out on to the battlefield against spiritually dark forces at work in a world now marked by chaos and meaninglessness; men are called out to let their tears, longings, and Christ be their strength.

Calling out Masculine Glory: A Significant Life in Christ

Men are best called out by older Gospel men into three directions: first, to cease silence & avoidance in order to speak an honest story with courageous naming of both inadequacy and glory in Christ. second, to repentance, which begins with an invitation to embrace sorrow & grief over the damage done by Evil. Third, to rise up in faith, hope, & love: moving us productively back into the burned over dirt caused by Evil (faith), moving us resiliently forward towards a new day and bright future (hope), and moving us courageously into intimacy and community in the ongoing war to compassionately rescue others (love).

*Dan Allender and Larry Crabb lectures significantly influenced me on this subject ever since I was enrolled in their courses around 1987-1989. They are not responsible for how I express or work it out, but ought to be honored for the way Christians have been greatly helped in the area  of gender shame and glory.



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *